drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
