i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
