i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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