is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
