Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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