my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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