i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
