Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
