That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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