yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
