They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
