Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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