are you still at the devil's house?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
