it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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