I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
