did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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