my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
