It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have to summon your inner elephant
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
