another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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