did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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