so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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