I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
