He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
