we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You made out with two different species that night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
