i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
