..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
