i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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