Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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