i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
