We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drake has all the answers
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
