Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
