in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
