My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
