how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
