Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
