I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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