As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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