mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
