I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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