oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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