Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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