how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
