Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
