In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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