I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
