I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
