No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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