Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
