I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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