am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think im going to throw up on grandma
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
