I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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