So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
