I can tuck mytits in my pants
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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