Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
