Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
