I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
