My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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