I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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